by Michael Vallee
-The Future is Now: Year-in-and-year-out things are rarely dull with the New England Patriots. After years of wasting away in the NFL’s bin of irrelevancy New England now resides at the epicenter of the football world. The success, the scandals, the stars……nobody makes news and moves the needle like the Patriots and, through six games, 2016 has been no exception. New England’s constantly evolving QB soap opera has provided plenty of week-to-week drama this season, and has been the main story line of every game they have played this year:
-Week 1: Is Jimmy Garoppolo ready to start?
-Week 2: Can Garoppolo make it two in a row?
-Week 3: Rookie Jacoby Brissett starts his first game
-Week 4: Who will start at QB?
-Week 5: Tom Brady’s back!
-Week 6: Brady returns to Foxboro
Going forward the week-to-week hubbub should subside but the QB drama is far from over. Now things shift to the future of the quarterback position in New England, and the uncomfortable question of who the Patriots brain trust will choose: Tom or Jimmy? Therefore, like so many times in his football life, Brady in a strange sort of way is once again playing for his job. I know it’s hard to fathom, but Brady’s fate with the Patriots has most likely not yet been decided. But anytime you have a smart, young, accurate backup quarterback (and handsome which you know annoys the hell out of Brady) whose contract will soon be up, it is usually inevitable that exit plans are being drawn up for the 39-year old starter. For Brady to stem the Garoppolo tide and solidify his future with the Patriots he has to play well in 2016. Really well. With father time lurking like Donald Trump at a Presidential debate, Brady cannot show any slippage or it might be used as a justification to usher in the Age of Garoppolo.
Well, if his first two games are any indication of what this season will look like, Jimmy G better not sign an extension on his lease because Brady is not going anywhere.
Fresh off his 400+ yard, three TD season debut against Cleveland, Brady was once again razor sharp, shredding the Cincinnati Bengals for 376 yards and three more touchdowns, in Sunday’s 35-17 win. Unlike last week he had to work a little for this one. For much of the first half the Bengals front four harassed Brady and kept New England’s offense in check. With two minutes remaining in the half the Patriots had put just three points on the scoreboard. Then the switch was flicked and over the next 26 minutes Brady unloaded on the Bengals defense, completing 21 of his next 24 passes for 315 yards and three TDs. What started slow ended with Brady looking like he was playing quarterback in his annual flag football charity game.
It’s still early, but I wouldn’t get too comfortable, Jimmy G, because TB12 is playing like someone that doesn’t have much interest in getting an early start on his AARP years. Through two weeks Brady has completed 76% of his passes for a QB rating of 135.5. If this was an audition, he would already have the part. Moving forward the competition is certainly going to be a lot more challenging than the lowly Browns and Bengals but, so far, Brady looks like a guy that has no intention of relinquishing his starting job any time soon; or as Charlton Heston used to say, “From my cold dead hand”.
-Brady is making a strong early case for MVP, but because of his suspension, the guy he is currently chasing is probably Atlanta Falcons QB Matt Ryan. Ryan leads the NFL in passing yards with 2,075 and has a 117.9 QB rating for the surprising 4-2 Falcons.
Non-Brady MVP Top 5:
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Matt Ryan
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LeSean McCoy
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Dak Prescott
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Ben Roethlisberger
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Aqib Talib
-After barely breaking a sweat in back-to-back blowouts, if Brady wants a competitive game with a team from Ohio he might have to turn to the undefeated Ohio State Buckeyes. As a former Michigan man I am sure Brady would welcome the matchup. How long before the owners of the Browns and Bengals turn to Ohio State to rebuild their franchises and offer Urban Meyer a truck load of cash to make the jump to the NFL?
-Franchises from Ohio are not the only teams Brady is dominating. Sunday’s win continued Brady’s ridiculous streak against AFC teams at home. In the last 49 home games that Brady has started and finished against AFC opponents, he is a mind-blowing 49-0. Think about that for a second, and let that number set in. 49-0. His last AFC home loss was against the Jets in 2006. To put that streak in perspective, Brady lost three games at home that year to AFC opponents.
-Not Feeling the Bern: I think Ian Eagle has to bone up on his socialist history. During the game, when they showed an image of Brady reimagined as socialist revolutionary Che Guevara, Ian referred to the image as “Tom Brady as a Minuteman”. Sorry Ian, wrong revolution. Maybe next week somebody will have an image of Belichick in a green army uniform, with a beard, smoking a cigar and Ian will refer to him as Abraham Lincoln.
-Friday Night Fights: Things got chippy in the second half of Sunday’s game. It appeared to start when Rob Gronkowski caught a pass over the middle and Adam Jones tackled him low. Gronk got up and started yapping at Jones which triggered Cincinnati’s resident brawler and violence enthusiast, Vontaze Burfict, to get in Gronk’s face. On the next play Gronk looked possessed. After catching a 12-yard pass Gronk got off the turf and started yelling at, well, everybody. First he was barking at Dre Kirkpatrick, then Jones again, naturally Burfict rejoined the fray, and then Gronk turned to the Bengals sideline and began yelling at the entire team. Clearly this was about more than a low tackle.
Well, it turns out, just a few minutes earlier, Burfict, notorious for cheap shots and personal fouls, dove at Martellus Bennett’s knee on a play where Bennett didn’t even have the ball. It was a clear cheap shot to anybody not named Dan Fouts, and word of the hit had apparently leaked back to his fellow tight end running mate, Gronk.
-Of course much of this is the byproduct of being coached by Marvin Lewis, the second most tenured coach in the NFL (yes I just typed that). Lewis’ teams have always seemed more interested in fights than wins and their head coach appears to lack either the will or ability to change that. When trying to describe the Bengals during the Marvin Lewis era I can’t help but think of that quote from the movie ‘As Good as it Gets’, when a woman asks Jack Nicholson, “How do you write women so well?” and he answers, “I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability.” So if somebody ever asks you, “How would you describe the Bengals during Lewis’ tenure?” answer simply, “Think of a normal NFL team, then take away reason and accountability.”
Lewis fascinates me. Despite coaching teams infamous for being undisciplined, unfocused and, in January, unsuccessful, he seems harder to fire than a tenured school teacher. What is it? Why do they keep him around despite such overwhelming evidence they need a change? He is like the guy at the office that shows up late, produces little, yet somehow just keeps getting promoted. It’s bizarre. Soon he will have been coaching for so long they will have to pull a Fidel Castro and refer to the length of his employment in U.S. Presidents rather than years.
–Gronkowski had another all-world game hauling in 7 catches for a career-high 162 yards and one touchdown. It’s games like Sunday that make former NFL QB Chris Simms’ recent comments about Gronkowski all the more stupid. Simms said about Gronk, “If Martellus Bennett was with the Patriots (he’d) be the best tight end ever, instead of Gronk.” Chris Simms is of course the son of famed NFL dummy Phil Simms. I guess the DNA doesn’t fall far from the tree.
-Linebacker Dont’a Hightower might have played his best game as a Patriot on Sunday, and it could not have come at a better time as New England entered the game with a linebacking corps decimated by injuries. Hightower had a game-high 13 tackles, including multiple sacks and tackles-for-loss, and was responsible for arguably the most important play of the game, when he sacked Bengals QB Andy Dalton for a 3rd quarter safety. The safety was only the result of Hightower’s elite play and was in no way related to Dalton’s chronic penchant for choking.
Hightower is part of that defensive group of soon-to-be free agents (Jaime Collins, Malcolm Butler, Jabaal Sheard, Logan Ryan) that has been underwhelming so far this year. If the Patriots coaches want to see more of the Hightower from Sunday and more of the Jamie Collins from the Texans game maybe it’s time for them to unleash the dogs. New England has become noticeably more conservative on defense in recent years, but it is no coincidence that Collins and Hightower have done most of their damage this year on blitzes.
-Napoleon Complex: Speaking of Patriots linebackers, who the hell is Elandon Roberts and why was he possibly the best player on the field in the first half on Sunday? Before a 2nd quarter injury slowed him down, the rookie LB out of Houston was everywhere, batting passes, stuffing runs, blowing up plays in the backfield; it was like Patrick Willis had come out of retirement and signed with the Patriots. Roberts has a fascinating backstory. Despite producing everywhere he plays and constantly being praised by his coaches, he is repeatedly overlooked because of his lack of size. In fact the Patriots weren’t even scouting Roberts when they discovered him, they were scouting Navy QB Keenan Reynolds in a game against Houston, but couldn’t help but notice the undersized linebacker that was making plays all over the field. The rest is history. With Jonathan Freeney placed on injured reserve it will be interesting to see if Roberts gets more opportunities to play and emerges as a late-round steal.
-The Patriots defense continues to be confounding. This year they have shown flashes of brilliance then regressed badly. This is reflected in their schizophrenic statistics. New England’s defense is allowing 15.2 points per game which is second in the NFL to the Minnesota Vikings. However, if you dig deeper, things are less rosy. Their defense is only 15th in passer rating against, which is arguably the most important defensive metric. They are also 27th in 3rd down defense and 29th in red zone defense.
-The Bone Zone: Speaking of the red zone, sources tell me the NFL was strongly considering renaming the red zone the Bone Zone, after famed debate questioner Ken Bone. Negotiations between the two parties, however, abruptly ended when the NFL discovered Bone’s dark side courtesy of a Reddit piece that revealed, among other things, that Ken Bone committed insurance fraud (and worse bragged about it on the internet), can’t spell the word ‘defense’ and really likes a very specific Jennifer Lawrence body part. The lesson from all of this: If you go on TV in front of 70 million people with a weird red sweater, a bad comb-over and a creepy mustache it probably isn’t going to end well.
-Considering his importance to the offense and his surgically repaired foot, it makes absolutely no sense that Julian Edelman is still returning punts. With Danny Amendola currently third on the gritty-white-receiver depth chart, he seems like the perfect candidate to take over return duties.
-Kicker Stephen Gostkowski’s missed extra-point against Cincinnati was troubling but it’s his successful kicks which might be a bigger concern. Even when he makes kicks lately most are ugly slices that often just barely squeeze through the uprights. This is a looming playoff issue.
-On Sunday we had our first official Eric Roe sighting. Apparently he does actually exist and is currently playing cornerback for the New England Patriots.
-Trouble on the Tundra: With Tom Brady’s sharp play, and the precipitous fall of Aaron Rodgers, is Brady, once again, the best quarterback in football? The fall of Rodgers was almost incomprehensible two years ago when he was widely considered the best quarterback, if not player, in the NFL. At the time Rodgers had a career QB rating of 106 and was orchestrating one of the most creative and successful passing games in the NFL. Today, when you watch him, his pinpoint accuracy is gone, his mechanics are sloppy and the Green Bay offense looks ineffective and pedestrian. We don’t have enough space to delve into all the possibilities of what has happened to Rodgers, but the most interesting angle is the idea that Rodgers, behind the scenes, is not as liked or respected as his public image suggests. Details from the new Jeff Pearlman book and comments by former Packers WR Greg Jennings paint a picture of an entitled athlete that never sees himself as the problem. An entitled Packers quarterback, with bad mechanics that rarely is held accountable for his mistakes…….where have I heard that before?
-Tuning into the Cowboys/Packers game I forgot for a moment about his baseball assignment and feared that Joe Buck was out with another hair plug injury.
-Courtesy of the Boston Globe’s Ben Volin, we finally know who that mystery receiver was that worked out with Brady during his suspension, Ryan McManus. McManus is a former Dartmouth standout that received a tryout at the Patriots rookie minicamp last May. Despite trying out, Brady and McManus had never actually met so it is still not clear why Brady choose McManus. Knowing what we know about Brady, it was not surprising to learn that the sessions were “focused and intense” and that Brady “obsessed over every minor detail”. What was surprising is that McManus drove two hours from New Hampshire and was not compensated for his efforts. Stiffing him doesn’t seem right but maybe Brady took a page from the Dalai Lama and offered him something greater than money.