Vallee’s View: Patriots get Walloped on Banner Night

By Michael Vallee
 
So much for 19-0.  A night that was supposed to be a celebration of all things Patriots and the first step on the road to another coronation took a dark and unexpected turn as the Kansas City Chiefs curb-stomped the consensus Super Bowl favorites 42-27, outscoring New England 21-0 in the fourth quarter.  It ended every bit as ugly as the score indicates.    
 
The evening started innocently enough, with ex-Patriots and bad actors joining Bob Kraft and a sold out crowd at Gillette Stadium for yet another Super Bowl banner raising.  Unfortunately for Patriots fans all the pomp and circumstance gave way to an actual football game where it was quickly revealed that New England’s collection of linebackers possess all the speed and athleticism of Charlie Weiss.  Chiefs rookie running back Kareem Hunt cruised right past a Patriots front seven that looked slow and overmatched, enroute to an NFL debut record 246 total yards.  It was as un-Belichickian a defensive effort as we’ve seen since, well, the last time they played the Chiefs.
 
It’s certainly never dull when New England dips their toes in the treacherous waters of Kansas City.  It seems the Patriots can’t escape a Chiefs game without being hurled into an existential crisis.  It was exactly nine years earlier that Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard ended Brady’s 2008 season just minutes after it started with a hit that blew out both his ACL and MCL, immediately leading to questions about whether Brady would ever be the same again.  Then three seasons ago the Chiefs so thoroughly dismantled the Patriots on Monday Night Football it spurred a week of “Is the dynasty done” questions, as Patriots fans wondered if Trent Dilfer was right, maybe they’re just not that good anymore.
 
It turns out the reports of their demise had been greatly exaggerated as Brady went on to win the MVP two years after his knee was shredded and the Patriots won the Super Bowl four months after they were declared dead that Monday night. Which brings us to Thursday.
 
Now what?
 
Another mere blip on the radar or the beginning of the end?  Too early to tell.  And while the defense looked deeply flawed and Brady was missing his old pal Julian Edelman, Belichick has a way of figuring these things out, and if history has shown us anything you probably don’t want to be the guy that prematurely throws dirt on New England’s grave and you definitely don’t want to be the team that lines up against the Patriots week two.   
 
Game Notes
 
-Thursday night’s loss was more about execution than strategy but let’s get some quick Xs and Os stuff out of the way:
 
  Dont’a Hightower at defensive end didn’t work at all.  Not only are you removing your best LB from the middle of the field, you’re displacing him to a position where he just isn’t suited.  Hightower has proven to be a quality spot pass rusher but he has no experience setting the edge on the run.  Kareem Hunt and the Chiefs repeatedly and effectively ran right at Hightower who finished the game with one tackle.  While I’m not as excited as most about bringing back the overrated Rob Ninkovich, if it gets Hightower back to the middle that alone might be worth it.  Patriots better hope Ninkovich and his chemists have found a better masking agent.
 
  -If the receiver position remains thin, why not move Dion Lewis to the slot?  He’s tough enough, has good hands and knows the passing offense.  Remember how good he was in space prior to his knee injury?  In 2015 when Lewis found the next level, defenders looked like they were trying to tackle a greased up chicken.  He was on a record-setting pace for missed tackles before he tore his ACL, and he says he feels 100% healthy for the first time in two years.  Lewis touched the ball just twice against the Chiefs, which is criminally low.  The slot receiver has become an essential position in this offense and though Danny Amendola looked good prior to his concussion, the odds of him staying healthy for 16 games are roughly 0.0000001%.
 
  -Not utilizing Brady on a QB sneak in short yardage is understandable, considering the Chiefs had stacked the line to prevent it.  But what is baffling is running two dive plays right into the middle of that same stacked front.  Nobody is second guessing the decision to go for it on 4th and 1 in the first quarter but McDaniels has to dial up a better play than that.  If there are a lot of guys on the inside you don’t have to be Tom Landry to figure out that you probably want to run outside.
 
-You’re all worthless and weak:  Interesting words from Tom Brady after the game when he was asked about the team’s attitude:  “I just think we need to have more urgency……we’ve got to dig a lot deeper than we did tonight because we didn’t dig very deep tonight”.  Brady would later add that the team had to be a lot better with “our attitude and our competitiveness”.  That’s as close as Brady gets to calling out his teammates after a loss.  Maybe, deep down, Brady suspects that this loss is exactly what the team needed after all that absurd 19-0 talk.  For the record, the idea of speculating that an NFL team might go undefeated before they play a single down is like asking a girl on a first date and speculating how many kids you’re going to have when you eventually get married.  
 
-Not-so-good vibrations:  I generally have the same philosophy for my pregame ceremonies that I have for my movies – the less Wahlberg, the better.
 
-Bargain Basement:  Hard to question Belichick’s record as a team builder but if there is one consistent criticism it’s that he too often walks past the designer brands in favor of the knockoffs.  Sometimes you have to invest in talent, and right now DE Akiem Hicks, who just signed a contract extension with the Bears, would look pretty good in a Patriots uniform.
 
-He’s no Ali:  Speaking of bargain basement shopping, I have no idea what the hell a Cassius Marsh is but after Thursday night it’s quite clear he neither floats like a butterfly nor stings like a bee.
 
-Send in the clowns:  The subplot for Thursday night’s game was the presence of Commissioner Roger Goodell and the distribution of tens of thousands of Goodell clown towels by Barstool sports to greet him.  The final result was a little underwhelming but it was still brilliant gorilla marketing by Barstool and based on past reports you have to think, on some level, the stunt and avalanche of related media coverage irritated the thin-skinned commissioner.
 
(Side note: It absolutely baffles me that people have a fear of clowns.  Unless it is a demonic clown straight from the mind of Stephen King, what exactly is the fear?  Clowns are generally just some marginally employed goofus with big shoes and a lot of makeup.  What am I missing?  Yeah they can be a little creepy if you’re a 5-year-old, and bands like the Insane Clown Posse probably don’t help, but, again, what is the concern?  I know phobias are typically irrational but I just don’t understand grown ups fearing some guy wearing a red nose and a rainbow wig.)
 
-I wish I could quit you:  Fresh off a contract extension (and another embarrassing disciplinary case) Goodell became the focus of an emerging narrative that he had somehow won this pseudo cold war with the Patriots.  But what has really changed?  Yeah he got another big fat contract but when you have the kind of money Goodell already has, all that amounts to is additional zeros in some bank account.  And did anybody really think he was going to lose his job.  After he bungled the Ray Rice case and didn’t cede any power Goodell basically emerged bulletproof.  The extension also did nothing to change the reputation of Goodell.  Old jolly Roger is widely regarded as an arrogant aloof buffoon and it will take a lot more than a new contract to ever put a dent in that perception.
 
-Tommy tough guy:  Gutsy move by Goodell last week when the NFL announced it was suspending serial abuser and former NY Giant Josh Brown an additional six games.  It shows remarkable courage when the commissioner of the most powerful sports league in the world comes down hard on retired place kickers.
 
-Big plays killed the Patriots defense Thursday night.  On three scoring drives in the second half the Chiefs racked up a total of 244 yards on six plays.  Overall it was an historically bad night for the defense as they yielded more points (42) and yards (537) than any New England defense in the Belichick era, and more yards than any defending champ has ever allowed week 1.
 
-Opponent’s passer rating is as good as any metric when evaluating an NFL defense.  Alex Smith’s passer rating Thursday night: 148.6.  What is the highest passer rating Belichick and the Patriots have ever yielded?  A perfect 158.3 to Drew Brees and the New Orleans Saints in 2009.  Next week’s opponent: Drew Brees and the Saints.  
 
-Not the usual home cooking:  The Patriots entered Thursday’s game 102-1 in home games where they held a 10+ point lead.  Only loss: that bizarre “mortar-kick” game against the Eagles in 2015. Prior to Thursday night the Patriots had also won 87 straight home games which they led at halftime and New England had not lost a home game, that Brady started and finished, to an AFC opponent since 2006.
 
-Inconceivable:  It’s almost unheard of for an NFL team that loses the turnover battle (1-0) and commits 15 penalties to win by double-digits on the road.     
    
-Let it ride:  So let me get this straight, if I submit a perfect fantasy football lineup Draft Kings will give me one billion dollars, but daily fantasy is not gambling.  Got it.  If they had any sense of humor, Draft Kings would have Doctor Evil read their commercials.
 
-Last laugh:  When NFL Network analyst Maurice Jones-Drew gave the coaching matchup edge to Andy Reid he was widely mocked and ridiculed.  Who’s laughing now.  Not since General Custer at Little Big Horn, has a Chief so thoroughly outmaneuvered a Patriot, as Reid did to Belichick Thursday night.  Jones-Drew could easily have been accused of trying to generate the TV equivalent of click bait, but he actually gave a surprisingly thoughtful answer, citing Reid’s impressive record when he has extra time to prepare.  Of course Reid benefited from the fact that at no point was he asked to engage in clock management to secure the win.
 
-Credit Reid for not doing what so many coaches might have done in that spot, and letting rookie Kareem Hunt remain the starter despite fumbling on his first carry.  246 yards and three touchdowns later it looks like Reid made the right call.
 
-Boys to men:  This video clip has absolutely nothing to do with what happened Thursday night but anytime Andy Reid’s name is mentioned it has to be viewed as an opportunity to show one of my favorite things the internet has ever given us – Andy Reid competing in punt, pass, kick.
 
-Tough night for Marcus Cannon who struggled with speed rusher Justin Houston off the edge.  In fairness, a lot of tackles struggle with Justin Houston, but if Cannon regresses to pre-2016 levels no amount of Neurosafe or avocado ice cream will be able to keep Brady safe.
 
-Less is more:  Even though the invention of the DVR has allowed us to not be slaves to the commercial breaks it was still borderline orgasmic to finally watch an NFL game that did not go to a commercial following the kickoff.
 
-J.J. Watt might be an annoying, self-promoting, social media windbag, but hats off to the big fella and his Hurricane Harvey fundraising efforts.  The Texans defensive star just surpassed the 30 million mark despite an initial goal of 200K.  If you want to donate to the cause click here.
 
-Just shoot me:  Harvey isn’t the only hurricane causing massive damage.  Here’s hoping that when Irma is done wreaking havoc everybody makes it out safely and follows this bizarre advice from the Florida police.
Onto the Bayou