The results of the NFL’s Wildcard weekend weren’t so much about the winners that advanced but the losers that imploded. In an almost unprecedented display of bumbling ineptitude, this past weekend’s Wildcard losers spun a tapestry of undisciplined nonsense as they choked, gagged and fumbled their way out of the 2016 postseason. It was full blown NFL amateur hour.
Think Hindenburg, only worse.
We’ve all seen playoff collapses but never before has so much bad football been played on one weekend by the exiting teams. If the performances of the losing teams were a talk show it would be hosted by Chevy Chase. If they were a TV show it would be ‘Cop Rock’ (Google it, trust me it’s worth it). If they were a Youtube video it would be labeled “Epic Fail”. And remarkably the culprits were all home teams. The Houston Texans, Cincinnati Bengals, Minnesota Vikings and Washington Redskins not only all lost in an array of painful and embarrassing ways, they compounded the cruelty by doing it in front of their own fans. Mental anguish and emotional torture wasn’t exactly what the hometown loyalists had in mind when they signed up for the season ticket package.
With a buffet of options it’s tough to know where to begin, but let’s face it, if the topic is NFL playoff losses the conversation has to begin with the dumpster fire that is Marvin Lewis and the Cincinnati Bengals.
Entering Wildcard weekend the Bengals had a well earned and infamous postseason reputation. They not only have never won a Super Bowl, the last time they won a single playoff game their starting quarterback on Saturday, A.J. McCarron, was four months old. Their head coach, Marvin Lewis, entered Saturday night’s game winless in the postseason, despite making the playoffs 6 times in his 12 years with Cincinnati. So, while it’s safe to say Bengals fans were more than equipped to handle another playoff loss, nothing could have possibly prepared them for exactly how they would lose this one.
For three quarters Saturday night’s playoff game against the Steelers played out in typical Bengal fashion. They were awful, and fell behind 15-0. It looked like Cincinnati was cruising to another ho-hum postseason beatdown. But then something strange happened. They rallied. Tired of losing playoff games in boring blowout fashion, apparently the Bengals decided this year’s playoff exit would be epic. They were going to take playoff failure to the next level.
Aided by an injury to Ben Roethlisberger, the Bengals scored on three consecutive series to take an improbable 16-15 lead. But what looked like a dramatic playoff comeback was actually nothing more than a mere setup for one of the great postseason meltdowns in NFL history.
Before they imploded Cincinnati was already showing signs they weren’t emotionally ready to handle playoff success. Following their go-ahead touchdown there was still 2 minutes on the clock and Pittsburgh had all three of their timeouts yet A.J. McCarron was shown repeatedly on the sideline smiling and laughing like he just won this week’s Powerball. Imagine Tom Brady doing that? Imagine Brady, while clinging to a one point lead in a playoff game, hi-fiving his teammates as if the idea of a comeback hadn’t even crossed his mind. While McCarron did look foolish, that was nothing compared to the premature celebration that would soon follow.
On the very next play Vontaze Burfict (remember that name) intercepted a Pittsburgh pass, and again, despite all that time on the clock, proceeded to inexplicably sprint 70 yards down the field, in the wrong direction, through the end zone and disappear down the tunnel. And he was not alone. Apparently such behavior is so normal on a Marvin Lewis coached team, he was immediately joined by a convoy of clowns wearing Bengal uniforms that all simultaneously decided it was a perfect time for them to do their best Forrest Gump impersonation. “Run Vontaze, Run.” It was bizarre.
But at least Gump ran in the right direction.
The first thought that crossed most rational people’s mind was “Did he just cost his team a safety?” A more than fair question when you are talking about the unparalleled stupidity of the Cincinnati Bengals. As it turns out the play had already been whistled dead (not that Burfict necessarily knew that), leaving Cincinnati poised to finally win their first playoff game in 25 years. Wait, did I say “poised”. Turns out the Bengals would finish this game being anything but poised.
Needing only three runs and a chip shot field goal (unless you are in Minnesota…..more on that later) to all but clinch the Bengals’ first playoff win under Marvin Lewis, Cincinnati fumbled on its very first play from scrimmage. No, seriously, they actually did that. They literally fumbled on their first play from scrimmage. And it wasn’t just that they fumbled, but how they fumbled. As anyone that has followed Bill Belichick and the Patriots knows, good coaches always preach about situational football. At all times a player should know the score, the down and distance and how much time is on the clock; because all that information affects how you do your job.
With ball protection a must in that situation, Bengals running back Jeremy Hill, instead of running with two hands on the ball, decided to fight and lunge for every inch as if it was 4th and 1 and his team trailed by 7. This, of course, left the ball exposed, allowing Pittsburgh to rip it from Hill’s less than urgent grip. The Steelers got the ball back and hadn’t even burned a single timeout. It was vintage Bengals.
But Pittsburgh was still way back on its own 9-yard line and they were being led by a quarterback that sat out the last two series with an injured shoulder. 44 yards and 61 seconds later, the Steelers were out of timeouts and soon would be out of time. They had advanced to midfield but with only 22 seconds left on the clock they would be lucky to complete one more pass and even have an attempt at a long-distance field goal. Well, lucky, if they were playing anybody but the Cincinnati Bengals. On the next play Roethlisberger sailed an incomplete pass over wide receiver Antonio Brown. It should have put Cincinnati one step closer to victory, but Marvin Lewis’s collection of undisciplined goons never miss an opportunity to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
After the play was over linebacker Vontaze Burfict, who has a long history of on-field violence dating back to college, throws his shoulder at Antonio Brown’s head, almost knocking him out, and drawing an immediate 15-yard penalty. It was as unnecessary and stupid a hit as you will ever see. Not only was it football thuggery at its worst, but it guaranteed the Steelers a game-winning field goal attempt. Once again, situational football. You might have gotten away with that hit 25 years ago, but with a movie currently in theaters literally titled ‘Concussion’ you have to know the officials will call that every time.
And the hapless Bengals weren’t finished.
While Brown was being helped off the field, numerous arguments and skirmishes broke out, with multiple Bengals players inexplicably angry and aggressively challenging players on the Steelers. I guess they were upset that a Steelers wide receiver had just head butted one of their linebackers shoulders. And while the antagonism was mutual, it was mostly verbal, until Bengals CB and strip joint enthusiast Adam “Pac Man” Jones got involved. Ignoring all self-control and rational thought and acting like he was playing in a preseason game, Jones lunged through two officials and tried to take a shot at Pittsburgh assistant coach Joey Porter.
Instant penalty flag. 15 more yards.
The once desperate Steelers were now a 35-yard chip shot away from handing the Bengals another playoff loss. It could certainly be argued that the official, knowing the significance of the penalty, could have not thrown the flag and just let the league office hand out a slew of fines Monday morning. It could also be argued that the officials lost control of the game and their incompetence (a running theme of the 2015 season) played a role in the late-game chaos. What cannot be argued is how mind-numbingly stupid and detached Adam Jones actions were. Why it was a priority for him to make a run at a Pittsburgh coach, at that time, in that game, with that score, is anybody’s guess. You’d think a player on a team that had not won a playoff game in over two decades would have a different set of priorities. But, then again, maybe that’s why they haven’t won a playoff game in over two decades.
And they won’t win one this year. On the next play Pittsburgh buried the game-winning field goal, completing Cincinnati’s collapse and sending Marvin Lewis’ playoff record to 0-7. The Bengals had once again found a way to, well, be the Bengals.
Any hope that Jones would show the slightest contrition and offer anything that resembled an explanation evaporated in a post game Instagram rant, where he blamed everybody from Joey Porter to the officials for what he did. Not surprising to anybody familiar with his rap sheet.
As for the Bengals future, it looks like more of the same, as word has leaked out of Cincinnati that Marvin Lewis’ job is 100% safe. I guess that is one of the benefits of being employed by an owner that loves money and couldn’t care less about championships. It must be nice to work in an environment with zero accountability. But isn’t that also the environment Lewis has created for his players? After both of their back-breaking penalties, Burfict and Jones were back on the field the very next play. Way to send a message, coach Lewis. On Saturday night the Bengals played like undisciplined fools because that is exactly how they are coached and as long as Lewis remains at the helm, that is never going to change.
See you next January Marv, 0-8 awaits.